An Approval Complex

  

  

Many of us have a handful of individuals who we admire, respect and look up to. Quite often these individuals shape us and our outlook on life. And consciously or subconsciously we may find ourselves seeking their approval and later develop an Approval Complex.

A complex whereby you want people to accept you, so you try a number of things to gain their approval. You do your hair a certain way, you adopt a particular style and behaviour, and may even go to the extent to speak a particular way in an attempt to fit in with the crowd. But secretly you question yourself, "Am I good enough? Do I measure up? Do they really like me?"

The big question one should actually ask is, "Who am I pleasing and why?". 

  

At times I often ponder on that exact question.

Years ago, as a child and young teen, I used to be that girl...Little Miss Goody two-shoes. The girl that secretly cared about what others thought of her. The girl that sought to make others happy, particularly her parents. The girl that attempted to strive for perfection but in reality fell short. 

(Hear my heart, by no means am I blaming parents instead I am merely painting a picture of where approval begins).

Maybe I was looking for validation and a sense of security. Yet, I was content (to some extent) with being different. Do not get me wrong, I played with dolls for a few years as a child but once I was in primary school I desired to distance myself from a few stereotypes - I disliked the colour pink, occasionally drew cars and loved Sunday school. 

However, at the time, the. need for approval, love and acceptance from my parents was quite strong. I now understand why... 

Everyone wants to be loved and accepted!

And as individuals and as women we are conditioned to seek approval from others from a young age. One thing we have to understand is that vulnerability does not equal weakness. You see, we live in a society whereby people do not want to feel rejected or ridiculed as such reactions cause us to question our worth. And therefore, we overvalue what people say.

The fear of rejection then allows others to manipulate us, resulting in hurt. And often causes people to conform to peer pressure as it permits that we silence our stories about God, forcing us to make ourselves hostages.

By definition the word "hostage" refers to a person who is utilised by an individual or individuals to secure some sort of deal. And that is what an Approval Complex does to us - it binds us to captivity and places us in a dangerous position which is solely concerned with what others think of us (Proverbs 29:25).   

The notion of approval in essence has a significant impact on our lives if we give it leeway. It is often based on WHAT we do while affirmation is based on WHO we are. And if we took a closer look at the two, we would realize that we do not have to attain approval from others to feel good about ourselves. You see, when we put God first and seek His approval and affirmation instead of being caught up by the opinions of others, we allow His affirmation to nourish and satisfy us. That's the kind of approval that really matters.

Therefore, we are meant to be grounded in Him and be different from the world. We should desire and seek validation (confirmation) from Him. For He knows us better than anyone else and He knows that we have great intrinsic value which is embedded in our identity. 

I personally know that permitting oneself to be open and vulnerable is not easy when you are a little reserved...You allow others to see your weaknesses but more so, you allow them to see your strengths, how you deal with faults, failures and other issues in life. 

You have to remind yourself that true happiness comes from within and like your worth, should shine out from WITHIN. 

You are accepted because of what Christ has done (Ephesians 2:8-9) and you do not have to prove your worth.

So overcome your insecurity. Get yourself anchored in Him so you can be comfortable in your own skin.

- Mel ♡♥♡