Oh, So Critical...
Boy, do I hate all of the above!
I mean it!
Why do we ‘allow’ such things to take root in our friendships, in our relationships, not to mention in ourselves?
We have encounters with individuals who consider themselves to be superior to others and who seem to be arrogant in a sense. They stir up strive (Proverbs 18:6) in an attempt to feel better about themselves by making others look bad. They dominate and control so-called subordinates and in doing so they rationalize their lifestyle. They may possess a degree of bitterness as they feel like they have something to prove. And sometimes such individuals may even develop a judgemental attitude as they find fault with things and people as a result of thinking and speaking negatively out of habit. Eventually these people can overpower and influence our perception of ourselves and our performance if we allow them to do so. This is what we call outward-focused criticism, whereby one dwells on the negatives, outside of ourselves.
If you’d ask me what I thought of the above, I’d say, “I think that it’s bad enough that we see women who are so mean to each other but on top of that, sometimes, we are even more nasty to ourselves. We are critical of ourselves”. And it’s such inward-focused criticism that reveals that we are our own toughest critic, for we find fault with everything we do. We wrestle with our self image. We are disappointed when expectations are not met. We think lowly of ourselves and may fail to take a compliment when we are given one. Or may even abruptly shred ourselves to pieces.
This got me thinking, “Is criticism entirely a bad thing?”
Sometimes. I do think that criticism can do more harm than good when it’s not done in love.
Let’s break things down a little more and see if you can relate to what I’m saying...There were times in my life where I, as a literal thinker, did not appreciate sarcasm never mind criticism. I would over-think things and often make my own inferences. And sometimes it was the little things that got me thinking (as I would take things pretty seriously). Hearing things like, “You can’t do this because you’re a girl” or “you’re too soft for this type of field,” I allowed myself to get hurt easily by what people said or rather by what they insinuated. Nonetheless, such experiences have also taught me a thing or two about myself and others if I might add.
On the other hand, sometimes criticism is not as bad as we think it is. Sometimes people have your best interest(s) at heart (Proverbs 27:6). They seek to build us up. Lovingly correct us when we are at fault. And we can consider them to be our accountability partners as they are humble and seek to help us (Proverbs 10:20-21). Note that this is where constructive criticism varies from a critical spirit. You see the latter, tears people down and has no filter while the former, is done in love (to better ourselves).
Romans 14:13 makes a valuable point and says, “Let us no more criticise and blame and pass judgement on one another, but rather decide and endeavour never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or hindrance in the way of a brother.” Isn’t that scripture something? For if we had to be truly honest with ourselves about the evaluations we make of ourselves, we would see that when we judge others, we invite judgement upon ourselves (James 2:3-4).
Thereby, we have to be intentional about our thoughts and be cautious enough not think of ourselves MORE highly or better than we actually are. You see, the Bible states that one should “Let someone else praise you” (Proverbs 27:2) and that is one way we can remain humble and resist the devil.
I love what C.S. Lewis has to say about the subject. He describes true humility as not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. This refers to more than a position one occupies but more so:
→ Conducting ourselves in a manner that brings God glory.
→ Emptying ourselves so we can be filled of Him.
→ And forgiving those who criticize us or ask for forgiveness.
In essence if one is able to replace a ‘critical spirit’ with right believing and humility then negative thoughts and actions can be overcome. And individuals would be able to respect each other and their differences. For we do not have drag people down to feel good about ourselves, instead we can extend a loving hand, forgiveness or humility. I know that this might not be easy for some but it definitely is not impossible.
Let me explain. I once observed an illustration years ago, of how sin (immoral acts that go against God and His Word) dilutes purity. Imagine a person holding a glass of Coke and another person holding a litre of crystal, clear bottled water. When the person with the bottle of crystal clear water continues to pour the water into the glass of Coke, the proportion of that beverage is altered. And eventually the glass no longer contains the ‘caffeine enhanced goodness,’ instead it is transformed and all we can see is the crystal clear water. Simultaneously that is what God’s Word does to us. It teaches us that even if society rejects us, He wholeheartedly accepts us. For when we allow Him to fill us up, He can work on us, purify us, renew us and refresh us.
So the ball is in your court. You do not have to let criticism ‘cripple’ you.
Instead, we as men and women need to realize that unless we view one another with greater compassion, empathy and encouragement we are living just like the rest of the world and media. Therefore, guard your heart, your mind and your mouth.
And let us put inward and outward-focused criticism aside and be upward-focused instead. Living a life that pleases God.
- Mel ♡♥♡
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