The Road to Restoration

Hello lovelies,

You know my name but do you really know my story?

I've been thinking quite a bit about my journey (thus far). And I've been reflecting on where I've been, where I am currently and where I'm headed in the future. Often times, I have to stop myself from making too many plans and I let God intervene.

And He's doing exactly that, teaching me to dream and hope again, which is something I haven't fully allowed myself to do for some time. Mainly because pain is so hard to feel at times, and I chose to suppress grief and sorrow rather than expose it.

Until now, I realized that I desired physical healing (from all the surgical procedures I underwent), more than the actual Healer himself. I spent a lot of time wondering why I got sick and why recovery seemed to happen at a snail's pace as opposed to being instant. I wondered why I had to be the one to experience such a disruption in one's life. But, its only recently that I've discovered that God let me 'walk THROUGH the shadow of death' so to speak, that I would no longer fear evil or a bad report. He let my faith muscles be strengthened. And He has helped me see sickness as a temporary condition, not my identity.

When I first fell ill, I spent a few months wondering what was wrong with me, and I had a few people run to the internet and search the ins-and-outs of arteriovenous malformations (AVM). They brought this information to me and I innocently read each page that was put before me. I now wished that I didn't give into anxiety by reading those articles as they simply spoke of bad outcomes pertaining to radiotherapy. But I yearned for a resolution to a problem I foresaw and sought for a greater understanding as to why I was sick. And I wanted to get rid of the label put on me, 'Sick'. Just recently I had an epiphany and I asked myself the following questions: could it be that God had such great plans for me that the devil tried to take me down? Could it be that the devil wanted to blindside me with something that would take me off course? And a powerful scripture came to mind (John 10:10), "The thief's purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life".

See, for a while I felt like something precious was abruptly taken from me and I felt like a victim not a victor as I perceived 'sickness' as stealing my joy, my dreams and who I was. I thought radiation would help make me better, not realizing it too, came with side effects and risks. But now, I find comfort in knowing that God is in the business of complete restoration and that I too, need to let myself be redefined by His promises not by symptoms. That I need Him more everyday. And I'm learning to take my eyes off the past, the 'problem' and focus on the present and the future. And watch over my heart. This new clarity has been liberating and has opened my eyes to see things differently. For the devil came to purposely (try) take what was not his and inflict pain and suffering on others but, Jesus came to give of himself. To give life and bring restoration. And that Word has given me new hope and fills me with gratitude for who HE IS in my life.

For too long have I failed to embrace the unexpected and I clung to convenience, the past and what was known as safe. But I have had to toughen up over the years and learn not grow weary when it comes to trusting God and standing my ground. Because He is always in control, despite how bleak a situation may look. And maybe you also feel stuck with the question yourself, "Why?". But I'm here to tell you that it's time we change our language and make a statement now, "But God ____________".

But God is in control.
But God is fighting for me.
But God stepped in.
But God made a way.
But God's plans for me are good etc.

Today I challenge you to step out and get back that twinkle in your eyes, that spark, that fire. Turn toward Him, seek Him instead of turning away. Let Him take over your plans (Proverbs 16:3 and 9) and invite Him to stay in your heart for good and just watch as He unravels His plans for your life.

After all, our identity and purpose is wrapped in Him and it is essential that we get your thoughts right and be set free. So we can know that we are not alone in our pain, especially when healing is a process. We can change the way we think and our feelings will also begin to change. For when we regularly remind ourselves that God is with us, that He has not given you and I the spirit of fear but what He has given us is power, love and a SOUND mind (2 Timothy 1:7), we can decide that fear won't have victory over us. And we can defy the odds and be more than a statistic.

For just a few minutes I'd like to speak directly to your heart. And let you know that for quite some time I too, was hoping that I'd feel like 'my old self' but what I have realized is, that God wants me to be a new and improved self. One who pushes past the pain and discomfort. One who paces herself. And one who looks ahead rather than at her rear view mirror. May you also grab hold of this notion and realize that you too possess the courage to close one chapter in your life and start another, so don't settle and be complacent. Do hard things, try new things and keep moving because that is how you grow. And keep this in mind, if you only do what is easy and comfortable in life, you won't build up your strength.

P.S. Hold onto this scripture, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

- Mel