Turning The Page

Are you creating something new or still grieving what could have been?
Are you focusing too much time on your loses in life or more so on the possibilities?

As a new season has come to an end and a new one has begun, I'm reminded that every stage of life comes with great joy and also pain. Yet, we have to choose on which side of the spectrum we will lean more towarđs or whether we will just sit on the fence.

I for one, am not good at sitting on the fence. If I have to answer those questions honestly, I'd have to tell you that right now, I'm creating something new but it hasn't always been that way. In the past, I hated choosing sides and being in the middle when conflict arose. I liked having things go according to plan. And I took pride in having my life organised.

I remember when I first graduated from university a few years ago and tried a different career path. I was that girl... You know, the one who was grieving what could have been. Grieving a loss that I experienced. For a very long time, I wanted to be this amazing clinical psychologist. The one who would make a difference and change someone's world. And the more obstacles I faced, the more I pushed through and tried again and again to make my dream a reality! Not realizing that maybe, just maybe God was trying to get me to steer in another direction. Closing doors which I perceived as welcoming. But He's done so intentionally. It took me some time, but I got the picture and realized that I wasn't created or called to be a psychologist. I look back at my first choice as a career and realize that I had 'my own plans' for 'my' life, and I pushed aside the back-up plan because things are meant to go smoothly and according to plan, right? But I got a wake up call and later found out that God Himself has plans of His own.

I admit that at first, I tried to rationalize why things weren't going according to my plan and all of that inhibited me, trapped me into a cubicle of memories. I was reasoning so I could protect myself from hurt and remain in control. But I love what Bill Winston once said, that "When you become afraid, the truth about everything in your life is distorted". And there's some truth in that statement. The more I looked back at such memories, the more I felt afraid, stuck and isolated. I didn't want to relive the past yet that is exactly what I was doing... re-living a particular moment over and over again. I erected walls. And to break free, I had to tell myself that, "I am not going down that road anymore". I had to learn how to process grief and disappointment in a healthy way. For I didn't want to end up like Lot's wife, who was constantly looking back. She was so fixated on the past and turned into a pillar of salt. I however, desire a different outcome for my life. I believe that God has mine and your best interest at heart.

I've chosen to change my attitude, my perspective. I've chosen to turn up the praise and worship music when there's a spirit of heaviness lurking. And though we may forget some times, we have to keep our eyes ON Him, our focal point because without Him things won't make sense. We won't see things in the correct light and we remain short-sighted. For example, we may perceive rejection from particular individuals as our own fault. But rejection could more likely be a scheduled appointment with divine direction. For there's a reason why certain doors were shut.
Why that relationship failed.
Why you didn't get that job.

God has something better in mind.
He is relentless in His pursuit. And I'm so thankful that He does not let our past or foolishness define us. He silences those voices that belittle us and He's reminded me that it's not what people call you that matters, but it's what you answer to! We don't have to let life, circumstances or sickness change our name. Yet it's by believing what the Word says that we remain focused on where we're going. I'm not sure about you, but one thing I do know is that I don't want to allow myself to live a life full of regret.

Therefore, I have to be willing to ask God to help me let go of the things moving out of my life and be thankful for what's coming in. I yield to submission. For He is the One who will restore, support, strengthen me and place me on a firm foundation (1 Peter 5:10), even when I'm on a rocky road.

If there's one thing I've learned, is that you don't have to have everything figured out. That's His job. The Word states that we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps (Proverbs 16:9). Sometimes our life plans can be interrupted. We need to allow God to turn the next page and refrain from reopening wounds. Trust Him with all of our hearts, not some of it or even most of it. But ALL of it! And that includes moments when you can't even comprehend what He's doing. You still seek Him, ask for guidance and know that He will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:5-6), how to deal with toxic thoughts and how to take your rightful place in the body of Christ and be satisfied fulfilling the role He designed you to play. After all, He's the author of your story.

And His favor will outweigh your frustration, pain and troubles (2 Corinthians 4:17). For He longs to be good to you (Isaiah 30:18). Let God do a work in your most private life.

- Mel