Grief

Grief is not easy. It's not pretty. And it's not the same for everyone. It's painful. It has layers...

Sometimes it's truly hard to understand what the next person is going through when you haven't actually gone through the things they've gone through. We try regulate experiences. Attempt imagining what it's like to be in their shoes. But often that individual does not need a piece of advice or another sympathy card but our presence and a listening ear. Someone who hears them and not just sees their tears. Who gets a sense of what they're feeling and finds out what they're in need of. Who has an ear that listens in silence. And arms to hold them when they fall apart. These are the kind of things that can make a difference.

I've learned that something happens when we keep quiet and allow someone else to do the talking. You get to hear that person open up and pour his or her heart out as they sift through all the things they've kept inside. You get a sense of what that person is feeling. And you also hear them utter their groanings and verbalize the questions tugging at their heart. Having time to fully grasp what has happened can take it's toll on people and individuals may go through stages processing it all. But these processes are part of healing. 

There are 5 stages of grief:

1. Shock/denial
2. Anger

3. Depression

4. Bargaining

5. Acceptance

Each stage takes time and patience as the pain and loss is processed. And one should not feel obliged to just 'get over it'. For each person has his or her pace and there will be ups and downs. But having a good support system (family and friends) helps one feel less alone while navigating through this valley. I read this verse and it touched me, "I hurt with the hurt of my people. I mourn and am overcome with grief" (Jeremiah 8:21). God can relate to our pain. He's felt it too. And being reminded that God is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) is comforting.

Note to self:

Turning a blind eye towards the issue does no one good. And for that reason we need to make sure we look beyond their pretension when they say, "I'm fine".

We are to extend mercy and not ignore their suffering. But be God's hands and feet. Show compassion and do not avoid things. Remain humble and understanding. Use our mouths to utter prayers on their behalf. Praying for that person to have peace and relinquish all control is another step in the right direction. I hope this helps you. Knowing that God is working all things for their good (Romans 8:28) is reassuring to me. For He hears every plea, every prayer, worry and doubt. And He can heal and rebuild relationships and people if we let Him in.

When God weighs it on your heart to speak, speak encouragement, speak life into their lives. For grief will not last forever. It will end in due season (Ecclesiastes 3:1). But in the meantime, don't neglect your friend, show him or her some love. Their love tanks may be running low or near empty and they may need to be replenished. They may also need to be filled up with God's Word too. For it's a means to getting comfort, guidance, knowledge, strength, wisdom and understanding.

Life may be rocky and gloom now but I hope you can find comfort in knowing that grief, pain and suffering won't last forever. It may not feel like it at the moment but take Psalm 50:5 to heart, "...Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning".

Grief is only for a night, sometimes a long night (figuratively speaking) but Joy will make an appearance every morning. The scripture in Nehemiah 8:10 is not to mock you but give you strength for the day ahead dear friend. A new day will come and it won't hurt the way it once did. Wounds will be healed. Hope will be renewed. And joy will resurface again.

- Mel