Developing Thick-skin

Who ever thought thick-skinned was one in the same thing as a callous (hard) heart can be deemed wrong.

If you're wondering what I've been doing lately, I've been doing some reflection... examining my heart and determining if I'm overly sensitive and easily hurt. As a child and teenager I was always known as the 'Softy' or what you call thin-skinned. However, in my early tweenties I decided that I needed to toughen up whenever I experienced harshness. It wasn't easy. Sometimes I'd pretend to be tough and other times, I'd just crumble. But a new day would come and I'd be reminded that I could try again. And I could work on being stronger, wiser and not be a 'door mat'.

To me being strong, doesn't mean that you're bulletproof. It doesn't mean that you're cold-hearted. Or that you're fearless. It simply means that you possess strength and power to choose what you believe and how you will act. In the midst of challenges and disagreements you take a different approach. For you've learned to stand up and stand firm. You're able to block some punches here and punch the devil back there.

Then one day I encountered a disagreement with someone and I heard the Holy Spirit say that, "When you experience hurt or pain, you should not be easily intimidated but slow to get angry," (James 1:19). I was taken by surprise as the scripture reminded me what it meant to truly die to self. So I pondered on that scripture for a few days...

I could listen well, (or so I thought) and I could hold my tongue but the last part of that scripture required more from me than I realized. For the phrase 'S-L-O-W to get offended' rang in my ears. How can things not be taken personally when they are spoken so harshly? Again I thought more deeply of the verbal, demeaning arrows that were thrown at me and that pierced my character and heart. I mean it's hard not to get angry when provoked but then I realized that I needed to know how to keep my composure and not let anger get the best of me. For I had to see that silence in this instance displayed restraint and wisdom.

When disagreements arise I have to ask myself a series of questions and not give into my flesh by mindlessly uttering words. And I came to this conclusion:

1. I found that assumptions and incorrect interpretations can cause great harm and that I needed to ask whether what was said is the truth (fact). Because clarity makes a difference. 

2. After I edit what was said, I then need to edit what I want to say and not what was implied. Jumping to conclusions and answering back with an insult can hurt me and the next person. Therefore it's good to truly listen, hold one's tongue, make enquiries and then speak.

3. I won't let spoken insults remain in my heart. I've learned that it's unhealthy to ponder on negative statements. I may not agree with what was said but I can choose to forgive that person and pray for him or her. For peace of mind is important.

The comparison of different types of hearts and skins have also helped me examine my heart and preserve life, not destroy it. I hope you find it helpful.

▪ A hard heart is cold and closed-off to others. These individuals are a bit stubborn, angry and not very sympathetic much like Pharaoh in the bible. Their hearts have a hard shell too.

▪Those with thin-skin are easily offended, bruised and not sure of themselves.

Versus

▪ A soft heart is open, kind and caring.

▪ Those with thick-skin are not easily offended but secure in who they are. They know who they are and whose they are (a child of God).

With that said, I have come to the realization that...Foolishness is costly.

I could decide whether a comment would be etched onto my heart and cause a sting or I could remain cool and collected. I could pray for the next person or get in the last word and lose my peace. And I could treat the next person with kindness even if he or she doesn't deserve it.

P.S. People can be nasty at times but we don't have to let their negativity and nastiness settle in our hearts. We can be and do better.

- Mel